We all know that books are the best thing ever – even before sliced bread was a thing.
Sitting there with your book, you know everything will be okay (until your favourite character ends up dead… again), and you thank whoever invented the book for being a freaking genius. However, there are certain things that would make books that little bit more fantastic.
Wait, what?! Impossible!
No, no, hear me out. Whilst books are great, they could be improved to make our lives much more convenient. Below I’ve listed 8 “little” upgrades that I’m sure every bookworm would agree need to happen – ASAP!
- Books that can protect themselves
Ever lent a book to someone only for them to return it with *gasp* dog-eared pages? Well, imagine if the perpetrator would get a “small” electric shock when they were about to commit their crime – just enough to discourage them from doing it again. Zapp! Now that would be great, wouldn’t it?
2. Books that can protect us
Whenever bookworms read in public, there is an increased risk of being disturbed by inconsiderate people who clearly don’t have a clue just how annoying their interruptions are. Wouldn’t it be great if a book cast a soundproof shield that people couldn’t enter when you were reading?
Might be a bit dangerous if a fire alarm went off, though… Well, I guess the panicked look on the faces of people running towards the emergency exits would alert you to the fact that something might possibly be wrong – unless you’re really engrossed in your book of course. Hmm… Oh well, how often does a fire alarm go off anyway, right!
3. Books that can hover
Who here hasn’t fallen asleep whilst reading only to be jolted awake by the book hitting your face? I know I’m guilty of that, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not alone. The days of getting attacked by overly attached books that just want to be close to you would be over if only books could hover!
4. Books that glow in the dark
Ever had one of those clip on mini-lamps that you can buy to provide you with some reading light when you need it? They never really worked that great for me because they would fall off all the time. BUT imagine if you could have a portable reading light with you always – in the form of the book itself! You could just crawl into bed and once you opened the book, you would be bathed in this soft glow that would let you read in even the darkest of places.
5. Books that keep their tan
One of the really annoying things about paperbacks and dust jackets is that they start to fade if you leave them in a sunny spot. Granted, one afternoon in the sun doesn’t hurt – they’re not vampires after all – but you can’t, for example, leave them lying in a windowsill without them eventually starting to lose their beautiful colours. We need books that can sunbathe without fading!
6. Books with a solid spine
Another annoying aspect of books, particularly paperbacks, is that they get those ugly wrinkles on their spine when you read them and eventually fall apart when you’ve read them about 31 times. Could someone please create books that wouldn’t look like they’re a million years old when you’ve read them more than once?
7. Books that shrink
Wouldn’t it be great if we could take as many books with us as we wanted? If books could shrink, we would have space for so many more books in our bags – just fill a bag with 20 of your favourite books and then always have them near in case an ideal reading opportunity suddenly appeared!
8. Books with a high hygiene standard
Ever spilt coffee/tea on a book or placed a greasy fingerprint on the pages? Even if you haven’t, wouldn’t it be great if we could snack and/or drink whilst reading without fear of getting the book all gross? We need books that repel dirt instead of absorbing it like a starving creature!
After reading this you might say that many of these things are part of an e-reader. I totally agree, BUT I’m also sure that if the features mentioned above were applied to REAL books, every single bookworm in the universe would go with the physical books over an e-reader because they: smell better, don’t run out of battery, look better on your bookshelf, are easier to lend to your friends + ___________(insert one of the millions of other reasons)__________. Am I right?
Also, have you got an ingenious upgrade that I haven’t mentioned above? Do share it! Someone reading this might actually invent these things (hint, hint, clever people. Yes, I’m talking to you!)!